


i may break to pieces

by iihappydaysii



Category: Outlander & Related Fandoms
Genre: Bottom John, Explicit Sexual Content, First Time, M/M, Making Love, jamie is married to claire but claire knows, missing scene from 5x11, top jamie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:54:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24004672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iihappydaysii/pseuds/iihappydaysii
Summary: while john is visiting fraser's ridge before his return to england, jamie comes to john's room at night.
Relationships: Jamie Fraser/Lord John Grey
Comments: 26
Kudos: 134





	i may break to pieces

Crickets chirped through the open windows, and the sound filled Grey’s head, cottony and soft. Grey breathed in piney, rain-soaked air as he lay wrapped in the soft linens of his bed at Fraser’s Ridge.

He would leave tomorrow to begin his journey back to England. Back to Helwater to prepare William for his duty. Back to grounds that were a constant reminder of a life long past. A place where he could go out every day if he wanted, stand in the place Jamie Fraser had once kissed him and break his own heart. 

Grey sighed and turned over in the bed, absentmindedly clutching at the ache in his belly. God, how he would miss it here. Not just Jamie and Fraser’s Ridge but the colonies themselves. How would things have changed by the time he returned, if he returned at all? Would he recognize the lands or the people he left behind?

He was lying there, tormented by his own repetitive thoughts, when the door squeaked open. Grey gasped, making to move out of bed, even defend himself, when a low Scottish voice settled him.

“Dinna fash, John.” 

Jamie Fraser stood towering over him at the foot of the bed, red-grey hair lit by the moonlight streaming in through the windows. The dim light revealed Jamie clad in only a loose shirt and breeches.

“Is everything alright?” Grey managed despite a tight throat and a dry mouth. 

A smile flit on Jamie’s face, then gave way to a far more serious expression. He pulled his loose shirt up and over his shoulders, discarding it on the floor.

Grey’s eyes widened, absorbing the shock. He sat up higher on his pillow. “Jamie, what are you—?”

Jamie hushed him and dropped a big hand to his flies. As he made quick work of the buttons, Grey stared bewildered at the broad masculine chest laid bare before him.

The breeches dropped to the floor and— _Dear God in heaven—_ Jamie’s rather large prick was standing tall before him, illuminated by the same moonlight that made his ruddy grey-flecked hair flicker like a campfire. 

Until that moment, Grey hadn’t noticed Jamie had something small in his hand. A vial of some kind. Wordlessly, Jamie popped it open with his teeth then drizzled its contents onto his stiff prick. With one hand, Fraser discarded the glass vial on the floor, letting it roll to the edge of the room. With the other, he circled his cock, making it glisten.

Maybe Grey had already fallen asleep. Maybe this was a dream. Yes, that had to be it. A dream.

On one knee, Jamie settled onto the bed, making it dip. He threw back the linens, exposing John’s bare legs and the tent where his own cock lifted his shirt.

When his eyes met Jamie’s, a thought thundered through him like stampeding bison. _This is not a dream. Jamie Fraser is truly here. Naked in my bed._

Grey had precious little time to consider it, as Jamie nudged his legs apart with warm, firm hands and fit his naked form between them. He flowed up Grey’s body, smooth as a river, rucking Grey shirt as he went. Grey lifted his arms and let Jamie rid him of the thin linen.

Jamie settled back and fit the spare pillow beneath Grey’s hips. Grey opened his mouth to form the words _what would Claire think..._ but before he could, Jamie pushed up Grey’s knees and there was the dull, slick pressure of Jamie sinking inside him. All hope for words was lost.

Grey arched up off the bed, throwing one hand back to clutch the bedpost. The other splayed across Jamie’s riveted back. Jamie entered slowly, carefully, sinking to his root until heavy balls fell warm against John’s body.

Only then did Jamie take John’s face in his hands and kiss him.

John had given up hope to have this again so long ago that he hadn’t realized he’d still been waiting for it all along. This kiss may have started with the pressure of Jamie’s lips against his lips, then a tongue, this time, slipped delicately between, but it radiated out from there to warm his whole body like the rays of an afternoon sun.

Jamie’s cock filled John well, as fitted as a missing piece. John sank his fingers into soft hair and Jamie’s grunt sounded low and hot in Grey’s ear. Jamie sucked bruises onto John’s neck, rutting into him, pinning him to the mattress with his big, solid body.

“Oh, _Jamie_ ,” Grey whined.

Jamie said nothing, just punctuated a grunt with a thrust, and bit down on Grey’s ear.

They stayed like that, for God knew how long, tangled in the bed clothes, making wordless love to each other. When they’d pushed both their bodies to the limit, Jamie took John’s cock in hand and tugged until Grey was spilling on himself in hot, miraculous bliss. John wasn’t even aware that he was crying until Jamie was kissing tears from his cheeks as Jamie emptied deep within him.

“Hush,” Jamie settled him like a lost lamb. “Dinna cry, mo charaid. Dinna cry.”

“I don’t understand,” Grey said, hating the sudden emptiness with Jamie gone from inside him now. “Why?”

“Because ye are precious to me, John Grey, and I’ve lost a great many precious things in my life, but I willna lose ye.”

“You... didn’t need to do _that_ to keep me.”

Jamie pressed a gentle kiss on John’s lips. “I ken that. I did this for me because I wanted to know ye, body and soul, before ye left.”

“Claire?” John inquired quietly, a nervous knot twisting between his ribs.

Jamie swept John’s loose hair back from his forehead. “She kens I’m here. Ye’re a good man for asking.”

A better man would’ve asked before he let a woman’s husband use him in that fashion, but, regardless, he was glad that this act was not a betrayal to Claire, either in Jamie’s marriage to her or John’s friendship with her. 

John sighed. “God, I may break to pieces from how much I shall miss you.”

“Dinna break, John. Stay whole and when ye’re through wi’ yer duty come back to me and I’ll make love to ye again.”

John cupped Jamie’s cheek and smiled softly. He kissed the swell the man’s lips. “I will always come back to you, Jamie Fraser. I swear it to you. Wherever I go, no matter how far away and for how long I may be gone. Even in death, I shall be yours. Always. _Always.”_

“Aye. Good,” Jamie said then. “Mine.”


End file.
